So this blog is being written here in New Jersey. Everything is over, or so it may seem. A week or so earlier I had to say goodbye to my betreuerin, Lea and I cried. That was the moment when everything really clicked in my head, when I realized that in a week I wouldn't be in Germany anymore. I got a bit depressed for like a day. When I went to school Lea wasn't there anymore since she was leaving early to back to Costa Rica (where she did exchange). It felt really crappy. But there are two exchange students from the US that had been in my school for a week and they were staying for a month. So since I was feeling not so happy I invited one of them to come with me to the city and hang out a while. We had a good time and in the end I felt better.
The next day we went to the kletterwald, which the climbing forest, according to google translate. But I don't really know what it's called in english. Basically what it is, is this place in the forest where they have bridges of different kinds between trees and and you have to go across them. Some are easy some are not. For example, the easy one: a plank between the trees that you have to walk across. The hard one: Something like swings where you have to walk on them but swing yourself across. The whole time you are harnessed and secure but still it's crazy. We were 20m high and I'm a bit afraid of heights so it was sdjfasdhla. Anyway we did that and on our ride home I got to talk to the other American who was a really nice guy.
With my school friends I went to the capital of Hessen, which is Wiesbaden. It was a really pretty city and the weather was (finally) beautiful. We ate pizza and ice cream and then took a bunch of pictures together.
Then we all went back to Giessen where we had to split up. I gave them all hugs and started crying on the train, while the girl sitting in front of me looked at me worriedly.
To hurry things up a bit, I attended two more parties. One for David and Ploi, and the Last One. They were both really good, but always with that edge of sadness mixed in with the fun. To say the least on the Last Party, no one wanted to leave and there were tears from everyone. Lots of hugs and the good kind, the one where both of you feel like you'll never let go of one another.
The next morning, Ana came to my house for the last time and helped me close my bulging luggage. I hugged her goodbye and bit back the tears while eating dinner. That night my host parents made my favorite food and then took us out to eat ice cream. We didn't talk much because we all had that bit of sadness on each others' faces. In my case, if I said anything it would have been something depressing or extremely sad which would cause me to start bawling my eyes out... in a public place. So I didn't say much. When we got home I made a few last minute arrangements to my luggage and I ended up leaving a lot of things that I would have loved to have taken with me.
The airport was the worst. My friends John and David were on the same flight as me. All three of us cried. I didn't want to leave and I hugged my host parents many times and thanked them over and over. All I could think about in those moments was, "Oh man, I going to miss them so much. I going to miss everyone. It's never going to be the same again. Oh man, I don't want to go." But, I left. So here I am now in New Jersey. The first days I was fine, peppy and happy.
I was even happy to see people I didn't want to see. Everyone was curious and wanted to know what it was like and how it was and why I went and everyone seemed happy to see me. But after that effect wore off I went depressive again. I just wanted to go back. I missed my routine, I missed my people, the freedom, the fun, I missed everything. I didn't even have homesickness there as bad as I did here. The smallest reminders would trigger tears. And then when people stopped being so interested in what I wanted to say about Germany I felt worse. I felt like no one cared.
I turned to reading. In the month I've been here I'm already on my eighth book. And I will continue. I can't say the sadness has passed completely. It's why writing this took so long. Because just writing it I would start crying. But to come over that I still talk to my host siblings on facebook and I email my host parents. I look through the fotos I took while there and instead of getting sad I remember what those specific days were like and I get happy. I listen to a lot of music and I keep my hands occupied, organizing, cleaning, and like I mentioned previously, reading. Giving my mind a second to think about it just makes me sadder, so I keep moving forward. I figure if I keep it up, enough time will have passed that eventually I'll be able to think about without getting sad.
So here are my last words...
If you are an exchange student: Value your time. Learn something new every day. Accept people, don't fight them. Make the best of what you have. Make great friends. Have fun. Be you. Smile and be positive (even when the going gets tough). Learn from your mistakes. Forget about the language barrier, talk, talk, and talk even if you don't know that much. That's how you make friends and learn more and better. Take risks. Love the country you're in till the last second.
If you are going to be one: Learn the language before you go! Don't take many things with you. If you're brave enough to go to another country then you're brave enough to make new friends. Go out and explore. Ask a lot of questions. Do exercise! Pick up new hobbies. Become one of "them."
If you got back to your country like me, the only advise I can give is: Be strong and don't forget what you learned abroad. Be as positive as possible. Let your mind be flexible, changing languages can be tough. Live the rest of your life with the same spirit of adventure that you had while you were abroad. :)
Whenever you're feeling sad, "Sing about everyone that you left behind. Sing it for the world." -Gerard Way
And as a special bonus here's the link to a playlist which includes (almost) all the songs that have been quoted in this blog. Readers, thanks for reading. And artists, thanks for the inspiration.
LINK TO THE AWESOME PLAYLIST.
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