Happy ever after?

So this blog is being written here in New Jersey. Everything is over, or so it may seem. A week or so earlier I had to say goodbye to my betreuerin, Lea and I cried. That was the moment when everything really clicked in my head, when I realized that in a week I wouldn't be in Germany anymore. I got a bit depressed for like a day. When I went to school Lea wasn't there anymore since she was leaving early to back to Costa Rica (where she did exchange). It felt really crappy. But there are two exchange students from the US that had been in my school for a week and they were staying for a month. So since I was feeling not so happy I invited one of them to come with me to the city and hang out a while. We had a good time and in the end I felt better.

The next day we went to the kletterwald, which the climbing forest, according to google translate. But I don't really know what it's called in english. Basically what it is, is this place in the forest where they have bridges of different kinds between trees and and you have to go across them. Some are easy some are not. For example, the easy one: a plank between the trees that you have to walk across. The hard one: Something like swings where you have to walk on them but swing yourself across. The whole time you are harnessed and secure but still it's crazy. We were 20m high and I'm a bit afraid of heights so it was sdjfasdhla. Anyway we did that and on our ride home I got to talk to the other American who was a really nice guy.

With my school friends I went to the capital of Hessen, which is Wiesbaden. It was a really pretty city and the weather was (finally) beautiful. We ate pizza and ice cream and then took a bunch of pictures together.
Then we all went back to Giessen where we had to split up. I gave them all hugs and started crying on the train, while the girl sitting in front of me looked at me worriedly.

To hurry things up a bit, I attended two more parties. One for David and Ploi, and the Last One. They were both really good, but always with that edge of sadness mixed in with the fun. To say the least on the Last Party, no one wanted to leave and there were tears from everyone. Lots of hugs and the good kind, the one where both of you feel like you'll never let go of one another.

The next morning, Ana came to my house for the last time and helped me close my bulging luggage. I hugged her goodbye and bit back the tears while eating dinner. That night my host parents made my favorite food and then took us out to eat ice cream. We didn't talk much because we all had that bit of sadness on each others' faces. In my case, if I said anything it would have been something depressing or extremely sad which would cause me to start bawling my eyes out... in a public place. So I didn't say much. When we got home I made a few last minute arrangements to my luggage and I ended up leaving a lot of things that I would have loved to have taken with me.

The airport was the worst. My friends John and David were on the same flight as me. All three of us cried. I didn't want to leave and I hugged my host parents many times and thanked them over and over. All I could think about in those moments was, "Oh man, I going to miss them so much. I going to miss everyone. It's never going to be the same again. Oh man, I don't want to go." But, I left. So here I am now in New Jersey. The first days I was fine, peppy and happy.

I was even happy to see people I didn't want to see. Everyone was curious and wanted to know what it was like and how it was and why I went and everyone seemed happy to see me. But after that effect wore off I went depressive again. I just wanted to go back. I missed my routine, I missed my people, the freedom, the fun, I missed everything. I didn't even have homesickness there as bad as I did here. The smallest reminders would trigger tears. And then when people stopped being so interested in what I wanted to say about Germany I felt worse. I felt like no one cared.

I turned to reading. In the month I've been here I'm already on my eighth book. And I will continue. I can't say the sadness has passed completely. It's why writing this took so long. Because just writing it I would start crying. But to come over that I still talk to my host siblings on facebook and I email my host parents. I look through the fotos I took while there and instead of getting sad I remember what those specific days were like and I get happy. I listen to a lot of music and I keep my hands occupied, organizing, cleaning, and like I mentioned previously, reading. Giving my mind a second to think about it just makes me sadder, so I keep moving forward. I figure if I keep it up, enough time will have passed that eventually I'll be able to think about without getting sad.

So here are my last words...
If you are an exchange student: Value your time. Learn something new every day. Accept people, don't fight them. Make the best of what you have. Make great friends. Have fun. Be you. Smile and be positive (even when the going gets tough). Learn from your mistakes. Forget about the language barrier, talk, talk, and talk even if you don't know that much. That's how you make friends and learn more and better. Take risks. Love the country you're in till the last second.

If you are going to be one: Learn the language before you go! Don't take many things with you. If you're brave enough to go to another country then you're brave enough to make new friends. Go out and explore. Ask a lot of questions. Do exercise! Pick up new hobbies. Become one of "them."

If you got back to your country like me, the only advise I can give is: Be strong and don't forget what you learned abroad. Be as positive as possible. Let your mind be flexible, changing languages can be tough. Live the rest of your life with the same spirit of adventure that you had while you were abroad. :)

Whenever you're feeling sad, "Sing about everyone that you left behind. Sing it for the world." -Gerard Way

And as a special bonus here's the link to a playlist which includes (almost) all the songs that have been quoted in this blog. Readers, thanks for reading. And artists, thanks for the inspiration.

LINK TO THE AWESOME PLAYLIST.

Blue in the Face- Part 2

There's not even a month left. Just days. It's almost something I can't believe. I've been here for nine months it's so much yet so little compared to how much I've actually lived. And nevertheless, I want to stay but I have to go. I was reading some of my earlier posts and I can relate to one. It was blogged on October 10th of 2011, titled "I'm Blue in the Face." One of the last things I wrote was "The moment everything starts clicking into place here in Germany, is the moment I want to go back to what I knew even with my eyes closed."

If I thought that was a complicated way to feel I had no idea what was in store for me. In the beginning of May it was this "I finally get to go home!" kind of feeling, but now it's just like, "Holy shit, I'm going home and who knows when I'll be coming back." And you start to get this feeling of despair because there's nothing you can do about it. And it's not like it was leaving the US because at that point I actually wanted to leave to be here, but now I don't want to leave yet I have to. And even under all of that feeling of not wanting to leave I keep thinking about my mom and my family and friends and finally being able to see them again.  


I've changed a lot. While I was rereading my posts I picked up on two things. One, that in the beginning I didn't like beer. But now whenever I hangout with friends it's rare when I don't order a beer. Especially now that I'm soon to leave I take the time to savor it and enjoy it. Second, I was in desperate need of posters when I got here. I finally got some (many actually) and now I'm scared of taking them down. If I take them down when I get home I'll get this sad feeling because it means I'm leaving, and I believe it to be very unhealthy when one feels sad their own room.

Just something I wanted to mention as well as I was reading through my posts. At one point my host sister seemed to be very sisterly but during the nine months that I've been here, the feeling of her being sister-like has been an off and on thing. Some days (many, now that I think about it) we don't talk to each other at all. But it's not like it offends or bother either of us. Sometimes you just don't click the way you wanted to, sometimes we only click when we have these random but rare girl moments. I'm actually a lot closer to my host brother, but he's the wonderful bridge between us. Then there's Lea, my betreuerin (liaison). We two have actually gotten crazy close, ironically, like sisters. We have tons of insiders and I don't depend on her nor does she need to watch after me the entire time but somehow we suddenly started getting along so well. I tell her things that I don't even tell my host sister. But she has become one of the most important people here for me.

And now as promised in last post updates on what I have been up to.

• The school party- Well that started off with me being super nervous. There were about 60 (mostly guys) 12th graders eating salad, sausages, and drinking beer when Ana and I go there. Besides Ana I only knew two other people there so we were pretty much chilling together the entire time. I did meet some cool people in the end but since they go to another school and are in another grade I haven't seen them again. In the end the party wasn't so bad, we had loads of fun and bunch of funny stories to tell afterwards. 
• Berlin- You hear so much about Berlin and it's history and in your head it becomes a big, great city. But when you actually go to it, it's so modernized that you can hardly believe that there was anything resembling what history books tell you was going on there. In the end it was a bit disappointing. It was just a big city full of tourism. I feel that for me to actually feel Berlin I'd need more than just 3 days. 
• Hamburg- This was a city that I definitely liked. It has one of the most spectacular harbors which reminded me of the one in Amsterdam. Plus, I have really cool host uncle that lives there. And I kid you not, he was like one of the coolest 40 year old that I have ever met in my entire life. 

I won't be posting photos today because I have to go to sleep.
I feel a little better now that I wrote about how I'm feeling but I still get that feeling of despair. There will be so many people here that I'm going to miss sooooo much. I've already been making plans with people when I'm going to see them again. Not only that, but my entire weeks are booked with last minute plans and though it's a bit hectic I will live these last days here to the fullest.

"Who would have known how bittersweet it would taste," -Adele
Linkity, link.

SUPER, MEGA SORRY!

Believe me when I say that I wanted to update my blog. It's just that I've been doing so much! School, family, friends (american and german), vacation, parties, making plans and then taking the time to settle down from a constant moving lifestyle. So last time I blogged it was about German music but before that I was talking about Chirstmas, New Years, school, archery, and a possible concert.

February was as usual, a short month, except this year it had an extra day. Somewhere along the end of February is a German holiday called Fasching. I don't remember if I've already told you guys about it. But it's somewhere along the lines of a German version for Mardi Gras. Here they have parades and throw candy at you and other stuff. My host mom, insisted that she wanted to go to Grandma's because there is no Fasching like the Fasching in the city of Rottweil. No one besides her really knew what it was like and when we got there we were all really amazed. They all have these weird costumes and masks and they like to troll people but everyone is okey with it. And it's fun.

These are the candy givers, as well as the ones below. If you sang a Fasching song you would get more candy. If they liked you they would let you pick the candy. :)

Creepy looking, aren't they?

Now imagine hundreds of those parading in front of you. Eeeeshh! But I must say, if they liked you especially they would give you these little alcohol bottles with flavors. Which is legal, so don't freak out on me.

What you see above is a real live troll. Not a mythical troll but the kind of people that are called trolls because they like to troll others. If you could only see his face, they even resemble the troll meme.

So anyway this is another kind of masked being. He does not give out candy. He has (as you can observe in the picture above) a very long stick. At the end of the stick is a perfumed piece of furry thing. I don't know what it is, but it's soft and furry. In any case they'll single you out of the crowd and rub the thing on your face and won't go away for a while. The more you fight them, the longer they stay. Playing along is the only thing that will make them go faster, unless for some odd reason they aren't convinced by your playing along and will continue to do it. Some when you get hesitant would stick the stick between peoples' legs and make them nervous and super embarrassed. The best part was that I got loads of candy and I got to see host grandma and grandpa and meet more members of the family. 

So February ended and March began and in this month I did a lot. It was Ana's birthday. So Ana organized a big group of people, AFSers, people we met here, and host siblings and friends of host siblings. So it was a very big multi cultural group and we all went together to Giessen and ate and partied and we had a blast!

In this month I met some really cool people. One them being the first guy I've met that loves Black Veil Brides as much as I do! So yeah with that said, I'll let you guys know that I went to the concert with my friend from school and one of her friends which was this really cool guy. It was the most awesome thing. It was in Cologne and it was fairly small, but the people there were all there dressed really cool. Most of them had some type of make up or hair thing going on. If you don't know what I'm talking about just google Black Veil Brides and then you'll know.

 But it was AWESOME. There were two bands Black Veil Brides and Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows (D.R.U.G.S.). And you must know that I love both. A lot. And well for D.R.U.G.S. the lead singer Craig Owens jumped into the crowd, and he was just plain awesome. If you here his voice and how well he can sing you might think that in person he might not be that good but he was amazing! ^__^

This is Craig from D.R.U.G.S. in all his glory. 

And there was Black Veil Brides. Man were they awesome. The first one to come out on the stage was the drummer C.C. and I flipped out. He did an amazing solo somewhere in the middle and I was left absolutely astounded. 

Here was one on the only pictures I could get of him. He's so amazing!

And then there was of course the guitarists. They are both so very talented. When ever the lead guitarist (Jake) played a solo everyone started screaming. And the rhythm guitarist (Jinxx) was as epic as ever and hair was a lot fluffier in person that in is in pictures.

Jake (left) and Jinxx (right). AWESOME. AWESOME.

This is the bass player Ashley. Yes, he's a guy.

And here is Andy the most amazing singer evar!

 It was awesome. I loved it. I loved them even more than I already do. Both bands were stupendous. I even got pictures with the singer and guitarist of D.R.U.G.S. as well their autographs.

Then in that same week (weekend to be specific) I went back to Cologne. This time I went sight seeing. There I have another host sister and we slept over her house and she took us to places in Cologne and it was a great city.

Here's just a taste of what I saw. It was really pretty and really big. Bigger than I have seen here in Germany. I mean you might be able to say Frankfurt is big but Cologne felt a lot bigger to me. And it was very very beautiful.

Then the week after that I hung out with my friends from school. Somewhere in March Ploi and I dyed our  hair blue.

Now we go to April. In April we had two weeks vacation and in the first one I went in a  small group of AFSers to Amsterdam! It was awesome. It was definitely one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been to. It had water streets (like in Venice) called "gracht." There were many tiny alleys and just a really alive city. And in that sense it was a bit like New York but a million times prettier.The funniest part was the language. It's like a combination of German and English. And it sounds super funny but I could understand them most of the time.

Now here's just a little overview of what we did there.

This was the Anne Frank house. You're allowed to go in and look around and though it was sad it was also pretty interesting.

Ana and I standing in front of the Amsterdam train station.

Cheese. Cheese. Cheese.

On a boat, sailing through the grachts.

So pretty.

It's known for it's tall, narrow houses as well.

I am-sterdam. Are you sterdam?

I'm pretty sure many of you know the beer Heineken. Well it's from the Netherlands and we went to one of their "brauereis" (the place where they brew beer) and it was pretty epic.

Well in any case it was one heck of a city. I really enjoyed it and I didn't learn a word in Dutch except for "melk" which means milk. Everyone there speaks English so it was always easy to order food or ask for directions. We had a great time there. When I got back everyone else continued traveling so I spent the last week watching tv series in German and gaining weight.

And last week guess who came to visit??!!! GELLO!!! I've been taking him all over Giessen, Linden and other places with cool castles like Marburg, which is not so far from where I am but it's full of German culture. He's tried the German beer and sausage and of course, he thought they were both amazing. He even learned a teensy bit of German! Anyway we had a great time and now he's on a train on his way back to France. I'll be seeing him again in two months, that is unless I end up going to France sometime in the next two months.

As for what I'll be doing and how I'm feeling. Well, for starters I was invited to one of these really big school parties by Ana's host brother and I'm a bit nervous because it's a bunch of school people, but not from my school. I'll only know two people there. And then sometime this week I'm going on an AFS trip to Berlin! I'm so excited to finally be able to see the capital of Germany. :D So there will most likely be photos of that in the next post. Also I'm going with my host family to Hamburg so even more excitement and more photos!

As for how I'm feeling... "Wir fühlen wir sind fürs Ende nicht bereit," -Bill Kaulitz 
Songsongsongsongsong. Google the meaning of the quote, if you must. ;)