It's finally Autumn vacation. We have two weeks off from school, except I still have to go for six more days.
Recently I've been feeling like I'm tripping over my feet. Today is a month from when I got here. Yesterday we had dinner in this cool place because of that. It's called the Dachcafé, and it's the tallest building in Giessen and it's only about 13 or 14 stories high. I felt a bit a wistful. You get to sit at the top of the building inside or on their terrace but it was too cold. My host mom reserved us a table by the windows. The view was absolutely beautiful but it I couldn't help thinking about the tall New York buildings and what it was like to look down from the top of the Empire State Building and I also thought about that picture I have on my fridge at home of me when I was about five. I was at the twin towers and behind me you could see everything that looked like little mini things.
Also when I was in Frankfurt everything was like an echo of New York. So many tourists, bridges, shopping centers, even a river! I was far from impressed, I felt sad. Though it was a lot like New York, it wasn't polluted, it wasn't as noisy and there were no yellow taxis everywhere. Everything seems to remind me of where I'm really from and who I really am.
The worst part is that no matter how hard I try to keep a smile on my face my host mom has noticed that I haven't been acting the same. Yesterday while we were at dinner she asked me if I felt homesick I said no, but instantly I knew that that wasn't true. And she noticed my expression and asked me what it was I missed and I just spilled it out without thinking. Familiarity. I felt really bad because I knew all of them were doing an effort to make me feel well.
Nonetheless I miss my friends and having the confidence of telling them anything. I miss sleeping in being one of those rare pleasures. I miss hugs. And I miss having a grandma around to yell at me and to hug just because.
To my surprise though, it's now that everything is starting to fit in. Though my German is still crappy I can understand a lot. Yesterday, my host sister and I actually had several conversations and she feels more sister like to me. She thinks I have a cute nose... My host brother was as awesome as ever and my host mom was a lot closer to me than usual, in a very mom-like kind of way. This morning my host dad made me some coffee as we had a fairly casual conversation and now I feel totally confused.
The moment everything starts clicking into place here in Germany, is the moment I want to go back to what I knew even with my eyes closed. I don't know.
"I'm no longer running smooth," -Matt Skiba
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